That Hoarder: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding

Hoarding disorder is stigmatised and people who hoard feel vast amounts of shame. This podcast began life as an audio diary, an anonymous outlet for somebody with this weird condition. That Hoarder speaks about her experiences living with compulsive hoarding, she interviews therapists, academics, researchers, children of hoarders, professional organisers and influencers, and she shares insight and tips for others with the problem. Listened to by people who hoard as well as those who love them and those who work with them, Overcome Compulsive Hoarding with That Hoarder aims to shatter the stigma, share the truth and speak openly and honestly to improve lives.

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Episodes

Friday Jul 19, 2024

Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket
Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe
Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ 
Today, I talk about a woman who sold every single thing in her wardrobe and explore the lessons that can be learned from this drastic approach, discussing both the positive and less than ideal aspects of the woman's actions. Highlighting the importance of taking small actions and steering away from all-or-nothing thinking, I look at what we who have difficult home surroundings can learn from this
Acknowledging annoyance and taking action against it.
Overcoming scarcity mindset and emotional attachments to possessions.
Liberating to sell clothes, or all-or-nothing thinking?
Gradual progress leads to lasting change and adaptation.
Exploring actions and habits to address annoyances.
Don't have to do extreme decluttering.
Small actions are valuable.
Incorporate new behaviours consistently.
Slow progress is more effective than dramatic change for long-term success.
Accepting and embracing feelings as a human reaction.
Taking Action on Annoyances
Acknowledging ongoing annoyances
Taking decisive action to address the problem
Decisiveness
Being inspired by the woman's decisiveness
Overcoming overthinking and indecisiveness
Finding fulfillment and reward in making a dramatic change
Feeling liberated by having considerably less stuff
Living with Considerably Less
Realising that living with less is not a threat
The protective nature of hoarding behaviour
Less Ideal Aspects of Extreme Action
All-or-Nothing Thinking
Recognising the danger of extremes in decision making
Embracing the value of moderation and balanced action
Small Actions versus Grand Gestures
The importance of small, consistent actions over grand gestures
Building lasting change through gradual progress
Overcompensating
The dangers of drastically clearing out possessions
Gradual adaptation and adjustment to change
Accepting Feelings and Reactions
Understanding that feelings of overwhelm are a normal human experience
No Secondary Shame
Rejecting the idea that feeling hard emotions is a source of shame
Overcoming internalised beliefs about the negativity of emotions

Friday Jul 12, 2024

Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket
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Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ 
With Dr Jan Eppingstall, today I delve into the fascinating world of habituation – which you might be familiar with as clutter blindness, but it’s so much more than that! – and its impact on our daily lives. We look at the role of habituation in hoarding, and offer practical techniques to revitalise our perspectives. Join us as we unravel the complexity of habituation and its relationship to hoarding, with valuable insights into improving our quality of life.
Habituation and its Impact
Definition of habituation
Evolutionary and innate nature of habituation
Habituation as a form of non-associative learning
Role of habituation in daily life
Individual experiences with habituation
Positive, neutral, and negative aspects of habituation
Habituation in hoarding behaviour
Habituation and autistic people
Effects of habituation on daily tasks and decision-making
Habituation in relation to clutter blindness and hoarding
Overcoming Habituation
Techniques for combatting habituation
Changing daily routines and habits
Using different modes of transport
Performing everyday tasks in different ways
Looking at space through a different perspective
The need for a variety of approaches to combat habituation
Techniques to break habitual patterns
The importance of stepping out of your comfort zone
The importance of mixing up approaches and embracing what works
Habituation in Mental Health and Therapy
Deliberate use of habituation in mental health treatment
Exposure therapy and fear ladder approach in treating fears and phobias
Gradual exposure therapy for specific fears
Maintenance of progress in overcoming fears and phobias
Implications of habituation for individuals with autism spectrum disorders in relation to hoarding
Insight into habituation and its impact on hoarding behaviour
Techniques and advice for combating habituation
Examples of habituation in daily life
Experience of habituation in hoarding behaviour and clutter blindness
The impact of habituation on decision-making and compensating for clutter
Connection between habituation, working memory, and people-pleasing behaviour
Understanding the impact of habituation on decision-making and perceptions
Strategies for breaking habitual patterns and experiencing joy
Mindfulness and gratitude in daily life
Rekindling appreciation for familiar places and seeing them through fresh eyes
Encouragement to find joy in life and invest in experiences over material possessions
Non-associative learning: Becoming accustomed to stimuli.
Habituation serves necessary and neutral purposes.
Skipping stages and creating fear ladder for hoarding.
Clutter organization leads to joy, not regret.
Habituation in hoarding leads to inaction.
Removing obstacles can make daily tasks easier.
Visual cues and externalising tasks aid memory.
Self-sufficiency
Observing and changing habits leads to improvement.
Experiences linger longer than material possessions.
Habituation is normal and can be positive.
Habituation is the process of becoming less responsive to repeated stimuli.
Habituation serves purposes: prevent overwhelm, allow focus, survival. Good, neutral, negative aspects.
Overstimulation and stimming behaviors.
Reliance on visuals becomes less effective.
Visual reminders and working memory limitations prompt use of external systems to record and remember tasks.
Some people have a mindset of overcoming odds and finding resourceful solutions.
Changing habits and mindset is key for improvement.
Observing and reflecting on how things are done can lead to finding better, more efficient ways.
The key is to have a mix of approaches for habit change.
Variety is essential and embrace what works, even if just for a bit.
The mind values experiences over possessions for lasting impact.
Habituation is normal, can be positive, neutral, or negative, and can be used to reduce distress.

Friday Jul 05, 2024

Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket
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Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ 
Incredible conversation with the ever-insightful KC Davis of Struggle Care. From discussing the impact of accumulating unused items to exploring the mental and emotional barriers people face in decluttering and tidying up, this episode covers a wide range of strategies and insights to help you on your dehoarding journey. We look at the shame and stigma associated with struggling with care tasks, including dehoarding, and the impact on individuals' self-worth and ability to seek help, and replace the shame with an approach rooted in self-compassion and moral neutrality towards care tasks. So if you're looking for practical tips, empathy, and support on your dehoarding journey, you won't want to miss this episode!
Understanding Care Tasks and Struggles
Definition of "care tasks"
Stigma and shame surrounding struggles with care tasks
Impact on self-worth and ability to seek help
Overcoming Shame and Stigma
Fear and self-criticism
Importance of self-compassion and supportive community
Motivation and the limitations of shame
Individualised solutions rooted in self-compassion
Thriftiness and environmental concerns
Strategies for Task Initiation and Motivation
Challenges for hoarders and those with ADHD
Differentiating motivation and task initiation
Small steps, transitions, and tools for task initiation
Starting the Decluttering Process
No one right way to start
Making small decisions and using timers
Involving friends in parting with items
Overcoming Emotional Barriers to Decluttering
Impact of accumulated items and their eventual outcome
"5 things theory" to overcome resistance
Adjusting the tidying process and taking small steps consistently
Strategies for Organising and Tidying Up
Breaking tasks into smaller steps
Visual storage ideas and creating rituals
Setting priorities and challenging societal norms
Judgments based on work, race, and appearance
Many people feel therapy isn't addressing their needs.
Shame doesn't lead to lasting behaviour change.
Self-help methods are not one-size-fits-all.
Permission to accommodate leads to lasting change.
Challenges of ADHD and executive functioning explained.
Declutter by what I need, love, keep.
Motivation leads to easier hard work and decluttering.
Take small steps and make decisions.
Break tasks into small steps.
Community support for navigating vulnerability.
Many people find online content more helpful than traditional therapy, reflecting societal attitudes towards seeking help.
Shame and social pressure don't guarantee change.
Self-help space lacks personalised solutions for diverse challenges. Universal methods don't address individual barriers and needs.
People give themselves permission to accommodate and it leads to curiosity, not necessarily a finish line.
Challenges with executive functioning and organisation due to ADHD, struggling with clutter and distractions.
Sort items by frequency of use, happiness, and necessity. Prioritise what to keep, rather than what to discard.
Motivation leads to easier wins, declutter by discussing meaningful items with friends.
Taking small steps without pressure, performing tasks with enjoyable activities.
Breaking tasks into smaller steps and utilising a simple action to initiate it.

Friday Jun 28, 2024

Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket
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Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ 
I watched a film, "Where Dragons Live," which struck a chord with themes of belongings, families, the meaning of our stuff, and the complexities of dealing with a loved one's stuff after they pass away. I talk about the deeper implications of what we leave behind. Join me as I reflect on the emotional impact of material possessions and the significance of our connections with others.
Film Review: Where Dragons Live
Review and discussion of the film "Where Dragons Live"
Exploration of themes relevant to hoarding, family dynamics and privilege
Reflection on the concept of treasuring and maintaining possessions
Analysis of the film’s portrayal of mixed, nuanced emotions and reactions
Examination of the anxiety surrounding what we leave behind for others
Emphasis on the impact of hoarding on one's own life and grieving process
Personal reflection on the burden and worry of leaving behind a hoarding home
Consideration of the challenges faced by those sorting through a hoarded space
Insight into the complexities of emotions and decision-making related to hoarding
Impact Beyond Possessions
Reflection on the value of relationships and connections beyond physical possessions
Examination of the meaningful impact individuals can leave on others
Emphasis on the significance of emotional and personal legacies
Discussion of minimising physical clutter to alleviate stress for others
Personal experiences related to friendships and legacies
Reflection on the meaningful contributions individuals can make in others’ lives
Recommendations for listeners to consider the impact they leave on others
Encouragement to prioritise meaningful connections over material possessions
Mixed emotions lead to decision-making challenges.
Grieving and hoarding
Overwhelm
Leave behind meaningful and powerful positive impact.
Film subjects reflect on sentimental items.
Grief and clearing out a hoarded home, finding value in the midst of overwhelming belongings.
Leaving meaningful impact beyond material possessions.
The film's focus on balancing material possessions with emotional value
Minimising belongings for others' sake.

Friday Jun 21, 2024

Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket
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Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ 
Dr. Jennifer Krafft, director of the Mindfulness and Acceptance Lab at Mississippi State University and her expertise in hoarding disorder, OCD, anxiety, and mindfulness and acceptance processes for treatment brings a fresh perspective to the prevalent issues surrounding hoarding. We’re talking particularly about stigma and hoarding disorder, the impact of cultural and societal attitudes, and the potential for self-help interventions to reduce stigma. We look at the roles of psychological flexibility, self-compassion, and the need for societal change in addressing hoarding stigma.
Stigma and Misconceptions Surrounding Hoarding Disorder
Lack of public awareness and understanding
Sensationalism in reality TV shows and its impact on stigmatisation
Impact of hoarding stigma on seeking help and social lives
Mindfulness and Acceptance in Managing Hoarding Disorder
Dr. Jennifer Krafft's personal experiences and curiosity leading to interest in hoarding disorder
Lack of effective treatments and trained providers for hoarding disorder
Study on self-help interventions reducing stigmatisation for people with hoarding disorder
Combating perfectionism through flexibility and managing cognitive reactions
Seeking Help and Self-Stigma
Dr. Jennifer Krafft's study on individuals' preferences for seeking help for mental health problems
Public stigma and self-stigma, leading to shame, embarrassment, and hiding behaviour
Psychological inflexibility linked to stigma and rigid behaviour patterns
Acceptance and commitment therapy promoting psychological flexibility
Addressing Stigma and Shame
Impact of intersecting stigmas on individuals, such as hoarding and racism
Addressing self-criticism, shame, and seeking support
Mindfulness exercises and self-compassion in managing stigma and shame
Cultural and Identity Perspectives in Hoarding Disorder
Lack of research on culture, identity, and hoarding, particularly in diverse populations
Additional challenges faced by individuals with multiple forms of discrimination
Acknowledging the impact of intersecting stigmas on individuals
Evolutionary Perspective of Hoarding Behaviour
Dr. Jennifer Krafft discussing hoarding behaviour in the context of human evolution
Mismatch between human adaptation and the current society's abundance of material possessions
Promoting Awareness and Education
Dr. Jennifer Krafft's advocacy for societal change in addressing hoarding stigma
Necessity for professional education and awareness about hoarding disorder
Lack of research on culture, identity, and hoarding, particularly in diverse populations
Each of these topics delves into the complexities and implications of hoarding disorder, shedding light on the need for compassion, understanding, and effective interventions.
Reality TV impacts public perception of hoarding.
Insufficient research on hoarding and identity discrimination.
Negative thoughts and emotions control behaviour; impacts stigma.
Identifying and challenging perfectionism in daily life.
Seeking support, not meant to be isolated.
Consider the adaptive nature of hoarding behaviour.
Dehoarding Zoom sessions help with self-judgment.
Acceptance and commitment therapy promotes psychological flexibility to navigate stigma effectively.
Insufficient research on hoarding and identity, leading to potential discrimination.
Psychological inflexibility leads to stigma. Acceptance and commitment therapy can help.
Researcher discusses unexpected study findings, biases
Intrinsic motivation in decluttering.
Seek support from others, fight hoarding stigma.
Evolutionary perspective on hoarding behaviour and the potential benefits of hoarding in certain contexts
Zoom accountability sessions for decluttering, self-judgment comparison.

Friday Jun 14, 2024

Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket
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Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ 
Today, I focus on the dreaded "analysis paralysis" and how it affects individuals with hoarding disorder. I discuss practical strategies for making decisions easier and breaking through the overwhelming feeling of being stuck in the decision-making process. From setting time limits to reframing fear, I will talk you through the steps to overcoming paralysis and perfectionism.
Analysis Paralysis and Hoarding Disorder
Definition of analysis paralysis
Overwhelmed by options and freezing due to overanalysing
Negative impact of perfectionism and fear of uncertainty on decision-making
Feeling overwhelmed by choices
Getting stuck in overanalysing
Impact of perfectionism on decision-making
Fear of uncertainty hindering progress
Strategies to Overcome Analysis Paralysis
Using systems or rules to make decisions easier
Setting time limits to create focus and reduce overwhelm
Practicing with small decisions to build confidence
Grounding oneself in the present and breaking tasks into smaller chunks
Having a decision-making framework or process to aid in breaking through analysis paralysis
Techniques such as pros and cons lists, cost benefit analysis, and setting rules to make decisions easier
Importance of setting criteria to aid decision-making
Making use of time limits to create focus
Building confidence through practicing with small decisions
Breaking tasks into smaller, more manageable chunks
Prioritising Progress Over Perfection
Encouragement to start small, even if something seems impossible or too difficult
Strategic questions, setting a timer, joining an accountability group, and focusing on the present moment to overcome paralysis and perfectionism
Emphasising the importance of progress over perfection
Starting with small, achievable goals
Using strategic questions and setting timers for focus
Utilising support systems like accountability groups
The emphasis on progress over perfection
Overcoming analysis paralysis through implementing systems.
Overcome perfectionism and fear by taking action.
Refocus on positive possibilities to overcome fear.
Focus on 20-minute tasks to avoid overwhelm.
Start with small decisions to build confidence.
Focus on the present, break tasks down.
Focusing on first step, making decisions easier.
Simplify decision-making process to ease overthinking.
Overcome perfectionism and fear of uncertainty by taking action and learning as you go.
Changing mindset from fear to possibility, reframing challenges and gaining perspective.
Focusing on 20-minute tasks helps with overwhelm and promotes action.
Start small, build confidence to overcome hoarding.
Focus on the present, break tasks into smaller chunks.
Start with first step, use decision making framework to break through analysis paralysis.
Tips for overcoming paralysis and overthinking: use pros and cons lists, cost benefit analysis, and practice to build confidence.

Friday Jun 07, 2024

Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket
Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe
Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ 
I have a bit of an emotional moment in this one! In this episode, I talk about how we can spot those things that may have been useful at one point but are limiting us now. And look at how we can start to even entertain the idea of moving away from them without getting overwhelmed by the things that we're running away from in the first place.
Identifying coping mechanisms that have become detrimental
How once-helpful behaviours or thoughts can now cause stress, annoyance, or interfere with work and relationships
Acknowledging the negative impact of these coping mechanisms
Letting Go of Detrimental Coping Mechanisms
Symbolism of finding freedom after letting go of detrimental habits
Thanking coping mechanisms for past usefulness while acknowledging their current negative impact
The process of letting go described as taking small steps
Emphasising gradual change rather than extreme transformation
My experience of letting go of self-harm as a coping mechanism
Therapist's advice to apply the same principle to hoarding
Reflecting on past coping mechanisms and their evolution
Reassessing the need for detailed to-do lists as a coping mechanism for insecurity and fear
Overcoming Adversity and Achieving Small Victories
The power of achieving small victories
Using every bit of progress to fuel the next step, even if it feels impossible
Identifying the benefits derived from hoarding and finding alternative positive coping mechanisms
Adopting Positive Behaviours and Embracing Change
Importance of trial and error and gradual change in adopting positive behaviours
Encouraging curiosity and open-mindedness
Acknowledging that change doesn't have to happen all at once
Our lives can be better without the distress-causing coping mechanisms
Support and Community
Invitation to hoarders for an event for support and discussion
Acknowledging past coping mechanisms, embracing self-acceptance.
Struggling with past coping mechanisms; learning to let go.
Identify harmful coping mechanisms to improve well-being.
Understanding underlying emotional needs.
Reflect on coping mechanisms, assess their effectiveness.
Identify and let go of problematic coping mechanisms, consider letting go of hoarding behaviours.
Reflect on positive moments, gently acknowledge the problems.
Find positive coping mechanisms, assess their effectiveness, and make gradual changes.

Friday May 31, 2024

Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket
Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe
Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ 
We need to talk about hoarding and physical disabilities, chronic illness, and chronic pain. With the inimitable Dr. Jan Eppingstall, I look at the unique challenges faced by individuals with disabilities, chronic health conditions who hoard. From the impact of aging on hoarding tendencies to the struggles of navigating a hoarded space while managing chronic pain, we offer insights and practical strategies for those dealing with hoarding and physical limitations. Join us as we delve into the complexities of hoarding and its intersection with physical health challenges in a compassionate and informative discussion.
The Impact of Disabilities on Hoarding Behaviours
Complex relationship between hoarding and disabilities
Chronic pain, mental health issues, and aging
The prevalence and severity of hoarding in correlation with aging and physical limitations
The challenges of categorising people and their impairments
Gender Disparities and Disabilities in Hoarding research
The association between physical disabilities, chronic illness, and chronic pain with hoarding, particularly among women
The link between autoimmune diseases, common in women, and hoarding
The impact of poverty on disabilities and hoarding
Advocacy challenges for women with disabilities and hoarding behaviours
The need for women to better acknowledge their achievements without feeling like boasting
The significance of functional impairment in the discussion
The importance of persistently seeking medical help despite the gender pain gap and lack of specificity in symptoms
Strategies for individuals to lead a more independent and fulfilling life despite chronic issues
The effects of giving up on seeking medical help on documenting conditions and receiving appropriate care
Managing Hoarding and Disabilities
Balancing function over appearance for hoarders with chronic health problems
The individuals' strong attachment to certain aesthetics and struggles in decluttering due to sentimental attachment
Practical ways to seek help and simplify tasks for people with hoarding tendencies, particularly for those living alone
Strategies for managing household tasks despite limited mobility
The importance of pacing oneself and not pushing beyond physical limits
The impact of spending time outdoors on mental and physical health
Challenges of Aging and Hoarding
Accumulation of belongings over a lifetime, particularly among older generations
Reluctance to part with items due to sentimental attachment and difficulty decluttering with physical limitations
The isolation and loneliness experienced by older individuals in decluttering and organising tasks
Addressing the challenges faced by hoarders with physical limitations, including lifting, fine motor skills, and brain fog
The impact of limited energy and the need for careful prioritisation of tasks
Living with Physical Health Problems in a Hoarded Environment
The physical and emotional challenges of living with physical health problems
Managing disabilities and planning, scheduling appointments, and attending to physical needs in a hoarded space
The increased energy consumption living in a hoarded space
Navigating chronic pain and strategies to manage dehoarding tasks even on bad pain days
Differentiating between tasks that move the needle and those that simply paper over the cracks
Hoarding research shows self-selection bias towards females.
Hoarding increases with age, affecting functionality.
Disability requires more planning and preparation.
Living with physical limitations is never straightforward.
Self-compassion improved my situation.
Avoid pushing too hard, limit activities to 3 hours.
Hoarding and function over appearance for health.
Assessing and adjusting belongings to create harmony.
Study on disability assessments, measuring functional impairment in 6 areas.
Moving away from cause and effect to individual change and vulnerability.
More planning for disability due to brain fog.
People underestimate complexity of physical disabilities.

Friday May 24, 2024

Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket
Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe
Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/
Today, I look at the impact of micro trends on our lives and how they are contributing to clutter and excessive consumption and the additional challenges hoarders face in this ever-evolving landscape of trends. I look at identifying our true style beyond societal pressures and resisting the temptation of constantly changing trendy items. Join me to explore the consequences of indulging in micro trends, the environmental impact of fast fashion, and strategies to make mindful purchasing decisions in a world dominated by fleeting trends.
Impact of Microtrends on Hoarding Behaviour
Hoarders facing unique challenges with microtrends
Consequences of indulging in microtrends such as financial strain and accumulation of belongings
Resisting the Temptation of Microtrends
Avoiding constantly changing trendy items
Thought exercise to identify personal style beyond external influences
Understanding individual style versus succumbing to marketing influences
Questioning motivations behind purchasing new trends
Mindful Purchasing and Consumption
"One in, one out" approach to purchases
Delaying purchases to assess genuine interest
Identifying if existing items can serve the same purpose
Evolution of Trends and Impact of Social Media
Trends in fashion and design propelled by personal expression and corporate marketing
Acceleration of trends through social media platforms
Accumulation of items due to shorter trend cycles and excessive consumption
Environmental and Social Impact
Production and consumption of fast, low-quality products contributing to waste
Struggle of charity shops to sell items from past micro trends
Encouraging individuals to opt out of supporting fleeting trends
By addressing these topics, the podcast provides a comprehensive exploration of how microtrends impact hoarding behaviour, strategies for resisting trends, and insights into the broader societal and environmental implications of excessive consumption.
FOMO in micro trends: dopamine, immediate reward.
Consider the real reasons for wanting something.
Consider delaying purchases to avoid micro trends.
Hoarders face challenges with microtrends, self-control.
Desire for personalization and expression; trends and fashions driven by corporations to fuel spending.
Accumulation of unused items, struggle to declutter.
FOMO in micro trends leads to regretful charity shop donations.
Questioning motives, mindful consumption.
Consider delaying purchases to assess true desire and value. Immediate craving may indicate fleeting trend.
Microtrends are a challenge for hoarders, leading to more stuff, less money, and self-doubt.

Friday May 17, 2024

Come to a Dehoarding Accountability Zoom Session: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ticket
Subscribe to the podcast: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/subscribe
Podcast show notes, links and transcript: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/podcast-ep-140-how-to-cope-with-or-help-a-partner-who-hoards-with-laura-silverstein-certified-gottman-couples-therapist/ 
This week, I’m with Laura Silverstein, a Certified Gottman Couples Therapist, who is a genius on how couples can improve their communication and the way they take each other’s needs into account. So we explore the complexities of living with a hoarding partner and the impact it has on relationships.
Laura provides anecdotes and advice on setting healthy boundaries, initiating difficult conversations, and the role of a therapist in couples therapy. We also discuss the value of authentic communication, empathy, and the idea that love requires continuous effort.
We look at the difficulties non-hoarding partners face in understanding their hoarding significant other, the impact of unresolved conflicts, and the evolving perception of quirks in a relationship. The conversation highlights the importance of open and honest communication, emphasising the need for both partners to be involved in decluttering decisions.
Join us as we talk about coping with – and helping – a hoarding partner in a relationship.
Living with a Hoarding Partner
Challenges for the non-hoarding partner
Understanding hoarding behaviour
Impact of conflict in relationships
Approaching hoarding issues as a couple
Communication and Decision Making
Importance of open and honest communication
Involving the hoarding partner in decluttering decisions
Examples of different approaches to decluttering
Setting Boundaries and Deal Breakers
Clear communication and healthy boundary setting
Communicating core needs with a partner
A therapist's role in helping couples set boundaries
Couples Therapy and Relationship Dynamics
Role of a Therapist in Couples Therapy
Encouraging honest and respectful communication
The goal of therapy in relationships
Valuing the time spent in a relationship
Initiating and Navigating Difficult Conversations
Approaching conversations in a positive and constructive way
The "I like, I wish, I wonder" framework for expressing emotions and requests
The importance of clear communication and avoiding misunderstandings
Building and Sustaining Relationships
Acknowledging each partner's needs
Significance of authenticity, empathy, and mutual understanding
Challenging topic of hoarding and relationship conflict.
Understanding and accepting challenges of hoarding disorder.
Improving communication, appreciating efforts, and showing love.
Authenticity in relationships and understanding partner's pain.
Respect partner's wisdom, avoid secrets and betrayal.
Honesty and understanding create helpful solutions.
Fear of hurtful conversations hinders creative solutions.
Setting boundaries is important for relationships.
Progress is non-linear
Seeking respectful closure through difficult conversations is success.
Leaving with integrity and seeking support.
It's important to normalise conflict and focus on repairing relationships through understanding, communication, and meeting each other's needs.
Importance of embracing differences in love and relationships.
Advocate for needs
Common conflict communication pattern is attack-defend.
Skilled communication improves relationships.
Acknowledging past communication issues, understanding partner's challenges, emphasising authenticity and love in communication.
Authentic empathy and communication are key in addressing relationship struggles and finding mutual understanding and support.
Focus on trust and communication in relationships to address hoarding issues.
Discussing how to handle hoarding sensitively and considering different scenarios before making decisions.
Honest communication and creativity in relationships.
Fear of difficult conversations hinders creativity and problem-solving in relationships.
Setting boundaries is crucial for maintaining integrity in relationships.
Success in helping people navigate difficult relationship conversations, with respect and support.
Success is about integrity and treating your partner well, whether working through difficulties or parting ways.
 

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