#140 How to cope with - or help - a partner who hoards, with Laura Silverstein, Certified Gottman Couples Therapist

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Podcast show notes, links and transcript: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/podcast-ep-140-how-to-cope-with-or-help-a-partner-who-hoards-with-laura-silverstein-certified-gottman-couples-therapist/ 

This week, I’m with Laura Silverstein, a Certified Gottman Couples Therapist, who is a genius on how couples can improve their communication and the way they take each other’s needs into account. So we explore the complexities of living with a hoarding partner and the impact it has on relationships.

Laura provides anecdotes and advice on setting healthy boundaries, initiating difficult conversations, and the role of a therapist in couples therapy. We also discuss the value of authentic communication, empathy, and the idea that love requires continuous effort.

We look at the difficulties non-hoarding partners face in understanding their hoarding significant other, the impact of unresolved conflicts, and the evolving perception of quirks in a relationship. The conversation highlights the importance of open and honest communication, emphasising the need for both partners to be involved in decluttering decisions.

Join us as we talk about coping with – and helping – a hoarding partner in a relationship.

• Living with a Hoarding Partner
• Challenges for the non-hoarding partner
• Understanding hoarding behaviour
• Impact of conflict in relationships
• Approaching hoarding issues as a couple
• Communication and Decision Making
• Importance of open and honest communication
• Involving the hoarding partner in decluttering decisions
• Examples of different approaches to decluttering
• Setting Boundaries and Deal Breakers
• Clear communication and healthy boundary setting
• Communicating core needs with a partner
• A therapist's role in helping couples set boundaries
• Couples Therapy and Relationship Dynamics
• Role of a Therapist in Couples Therapy
• Encouraging honest and respectful communication
• The goal of therapy in relationships
• Valuing the time spent in a relationship
• Initiating and Navigating Difficult Conversations
• Approaching conversations in a positive and constructive way
• The "I like, I wish, I wonder" framework for expressing emotions and requests
• The importance of clear communication and avoiding misunderstandings
• Building and Sustaining Relationships
• Acknowledging each partner's needs
• Significance of authenticity, empathy, and mutual understanding
• Challenging topic of hoarding and relationship conflict.
• Understanding and accepting challenges of hoarding disorder.
• Improving communication, appreciating efforts, and showing love.
• Authenticity in relationships and understanding partner's pain.
• Respect partner's wisdom, avoid secrets and betrayal.
• Honesty and understanding create helpful solutions.
• Fear of hurtful conversations hinders creative solutions.
• Setting boundaries is important for relationships.
• Progress is non-linear
• Seeking respectful closure through difficult conversations is success.
• Leaving with integrity and seeking support.
• It's important to normalise conflict and focus on repairing relationships through understanding, communication, and meeting each other's needs.
• Importance of embracing differences in love and relationships.
• Advocate for needs
• Common conflict communication pattern is attack-defend.
• Skilled communication improves relationships.
• Acknowledging past communication issues, understanding partner's challenges, emphasising authenticity and love in communication.
• Authentic empathy and communication are key in addressing relationship struggles and finding mutual understanding and support.
• Focus on trust and communication in relationships to address hoarding issues.
• Discussing how to handle hoarding sensitively and considering different scenarios before making decisions.
• Honest communication and creativity in relationships.
• Fear of difficult conversations hinders creativity and problem-solving in relationships.
• Setting boundaries is crucial for maintaining integrity in relationships.
• Success in helping people navigate difficult relationship conversations, with respect and support.
• Success is about integrity and treating your partner well, whether working through difficulties or parting ways.