That Hoarder: Overcome Compulsive Hoarding

#175 Taking the scary first steps: the courage to call a professional organiser, with Jasmine Sleigh

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In this episode, I'm joined by Jasmine Sleigh, professional declutterer, as we discuss the daunting first steps of reaching out for professional help in tackling hoarding. Jasmine shares insights into what prompts individuals to make that initial call and the courage it takes, alongside practical strategies for working with organisers. Tune in for a thoughtful conversation on overcoming fears and building trust for positive change in managing clutter.
Inviting Professional Help
Jasmine explains common motivators for people to seek help
Specific incidents or realisations prompting action
Example scenarios like misplaced items or repairs
The Initial Call to a Professional Organiser
What typically prompts the call for professional help
Jasmine's perspective on admiration for those who reach out
The importance of taking calls seriously and with empathy
Engaging with Potential Clients
Approach to initial conversations with potential clients
Building trust and understanding the client's situation
Establishing client needs and potential outcomes
Assessing the Client’s Home
How Jasmine gathers information about the client's home
Importance of assessing without judgment
Considering client interaction with their items and living space
Professional Organiser-Client Dynamics
Respecting clients’ preferences and leading decisions
Balancing professional insight with client autonomy
Working towards the client's goals and priorities
Process from Inquiry to Working Together
Steps from initial inquiry to in-home visit
Managing client expectations and realities
Ensuring client comfort and readiness
In-Home Visit Experience
Jasmine’s mindset and approach during a home visit
Avoiding overwhelm and maintaining professionalism
Logistical and emotional assessments of the client’s environment
Judgment and Perception in the Decluttering Process
Being conscious of non-verbal cues and judgments perceived by clients
Strategies for maintaining client comfort and trust
Determining Fit and Referrals
Assessing fit between client and professional organiser
Referring clients to other professionals when appropriate
Dealing with Client Motivations and External Pressures
Addressing clients seeking help due to external pressures
Finding a balance between urgency and client readiness
Ensuring Positive Outcomes and Encouraging Future Engagement
Creating a sense of achievement for the client
Fostering positive experiences to encourage future self-help
Challenges and Responsibilities of Professional Organisers
Ethical responsibilities and managing client expectations
Building trust for effective collaboration
Personal Reflections and Habits for Mental Health
Jasmine shares personal habits that support her mental health
Reflection on the importance of reading and self-care activities

#174 How to feel grounded when we're overwhelmed or dysregulated using ventral vagal spaces and touchstones, with Dr Jan Eppingstall

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Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ 
In today's episode, Dr Jan Eppingstall and I explore how to create a ventral vagal space or touchstone to help us regulate our emotions, drawing inspiration from the work of Deb Dana and polyvagal theory. We look at how we can find or create areas within our home, and objects we can use on the go, that provide safety and connection, allowing us to feel grounded and manage overwhelming moments. We'll look at the emotional significance of objects, avoiding those that glower at us, and instead creating spaces filled with comfort and warmth.
Creating Your Own Ventral Vagal Space
Permission Slip segment
Discussion about photographic portraits
Emotions associated with the portraits
Objects as Memories
Significant memories vs. happy memories
Harriet Impey's notion of "glowering" objects
Emotional Impact of Objects
Portraits as a reminder of insecurity
Ventral Vagal Space Concept
Use of Deb Dana's work in polyvagal theory
Connection between emotional safety and physical space
Explanation of Polyvagal Theory
Breakdown of the nervous system's stages: ventral vagal, sympathetic, and dorsal vagal
Relevance of Polyvagal Theory to Hoarding
Trauma and its relation to object attachment
Challenges of decision-making in a cluttered environment
Deb Dana's Home Analogy - Comparison of home systems to body's autonomic systems
Integration needed for a "full life" and connection
Practical Application of Ventral Vagal Spaces
Creating nourishing home spaces
Abundance
Importance of Touchstones
Explanation and significance of touchstones
Examples of personal or portable calming items
Creating a Ventral Vagal Space or Touchstone
Starting small by identifying objects that bring safety and contentment
Using childhood memories to influence current safe spaces
Applications and Benefits
Using the space for emotional regulation
Touchstones as portable reminders of safety
Recognising objects that already serve as touchstones
Importance of awareness and observation in identifying touchstones
Utilising Resources for Grounding
Examples of resources: lava lamps, messages, certain sounds
Strategies for implementing these resources in daily life
 

#173 9 things that are working for me when tackling hoarding and over-acquiring right now

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In today's episode, I'm sharing nine strategies that are making a real difference in managing my hoarding behaviour and curbing over-acquiring right now. From tricks to overcome perfectionism and opening a daunting pile of letters to finding support in unexpected places and even leveraging a cute app, these tactics are moving me forward.
Join me as I lay out what's working, in the hope it sparks a few ideas for you too.
Opening 100 unopened letters
Overcoming fear and procrastination
Sorting coins and dealing with obsolete items
Decision-making process in letting go
Recognising dehoarding as self-kindness, not punishment
Benefits of having a friend who knows the hoarding situation
Managing perfectionism and doing things imperfectly
Using the "hummingbird method" for tasks
Introduction and use of the Finch app for self-care
Using virtual assistants for task reminders
Success with excessive mug collection and food cupboards
Impact of the documentary "Buy Now" on purchasing habits
Changing relationship with the inner critic
Overcoming Mail Anxiety Milestone
Kindness, Not Chore
Embrace Imperfection for Future Growth
Hands-Free Task Management
Best-before dates at the start of the year
Consumerism Documentary
Curbing Instant Gratification

#172 Harriet Impey on clearing out her parents’ very full home, through family belongings and personal growth, in the film Where Dragons Live

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Podcast show notes, links and transcript: http://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/ 
In today's episode, I chat with Harriet Impey about the complex process of clearing out her parents' cluttered house after their deaths. From unusual family rules to emotional ties with objects, we cover how Harriet navigated the challenges of sorting belongings, her family dynamics, and the personal growth she experienced along the way navigating emotional landscapes.
We also talk about whether her parents hoarded and how their relationship with their stuff has affected her relationship with her stuff. Plus, we discuss the importance of letting go, embracing mindfulness, and the transformative power of therapy.
Trailer: Where Dragons Live: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2ARgzYZei8 
Growing up in a cluttered house and realisation later in life
Harriet's mother's attachment to objects and possible hoarding
Influence of family habits on personal behaviour
Relationships and Emotional Awareness
Harriet's journey towards emotional awareness and accepting imperfections
Importance of recognising complex feelings
Managing fear of arguments and expressing anger
Using Objects Instead of Saving Them
Harriet's family preference for keeping items "too special to use"
Transition to using these items with joy
Family Dynamics and Emotional Suppression
Differences in attitudes towards possessions among Harriet and her siblings
Parents' contrasting approaches to objects
Impact of her mother's anxiety on household rules and behavior
Clearing Out Parents' Home
Harriet's responsibility in sorting through parental belongings
Emotional impact of dealing with deceased person's possessions
Reference to "Swedish Death Cleaning"
Importance of considerate item management
Therapy and Self-Reflection
Harriet's 20 years of therapy and its impact
The influence of therapy on personal happiness and self-awareness
Learning to be less rigid in life
Managing and Letting Go of Belongings
Evaluating the necessity of keeping certain belongings
Mindfulness and Mental Health
Mindful self-compassion and ACT
The filming of "Where Dragons Live"
The dual charm and burden of the family home
Personal Experiences and Family Impact

#171 Hi Ren: How a song dramatically changed my approach to my inner critic

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Podcast show notes, links and transcript: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/podcast-ep-171-hi-ren-the-song-that-dramatically-changed-my-approach-to-my-inner-critic/  
In this episode, I discuss Ren's song "Hi Ren," a mind-blowing exploration of inner conflict that blows apart ideas about the balance between darkness and light within us all. We'll unpack Ren's introspective lyrics, which explore themes like mental illness and creativity, and consider his take on life and what we can learn from it. I share how this song's impact has resonated with my own journey in dealing with grief and the inner critic.
Watch the original song by Ren here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s_nc1IVoMxc&pp=ygUGaGkgcmVu 
Impact of "Hi Ren" by Ren Gill on my life
Relation to grief and managing the inner critic
Themes of Strength and Hope
Inner strength and resilience amidst challenges
Inner Conflict
Illness and psychological battles
The pendulum metaphor, advocating acceptance
Universal evil and inner conflict
Dark side as defensive rather than malevolent
Chaos and division as intrinsic parts of self
Identification with 'hope' indicating a shift towards optimism
Life as a Dance
Complexity and humanity over supernatural perfection
Episode contains sensitive topics including swearing, suicide, and mental distress
Song Analysis
Exploration of mental illness and creativity struggles
Connection to personal inner critic experiences
Dialogue between Ren's dark and light personas
Discussion of inner conflict and personal growth
Internal struggle about personal achievements
Dark side's criticism of Ren’s insecurities
Ren’s music achieving 43 million YouTube views
Dark side as a symbol of temptation and negativity
Host's parallel with personal inner critics
Steve Chapman's TED talk on inner critics
Emotional impact of "Hi Ren" song on the host
Dark Ren attacks out of fear and insecurity.
Inner critic misconstrues protection as help.
Inner critic always undermines self-confidence, futile.
Ren's song conveys hope's profound impact.
Embrace change; it's an evolving balance.
Struggling makes us human, imperfect, and relatable.

REMIX: The Art of Letting Go: Navigating emotional clutter blocks with Tracy McCubbin

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REMIX: ADHD, depression, autism, OCD, OCPD and more: Things that look like hoarding but aren't, with Dr Jan Eppingstall

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#170 Impermanence: radical acceptance in a world of change with Dr Jan Eppingstall

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Exploring impermanence, this episode highlights how these concepts can help us understand hoarding behaviours and the illusion of control. Looking at impermanence also includes addressing mindfulness, Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, coping with change, ambiguity and uncertainty. Yikes!
Embracing Impermanence
Psychological benefits of impermanence
Concept of "glimmers"
Interplay between mindfulness and impermanence
Fernández-Campos paper on non-judgmental attention
Critique of commercial distortion of mindfulness
Jon Kabat-Zinn’s definition of mindfulness
Practical mindfulness exercises
Mindfulness in Hoarding Context
Psychological dimensions and security from possessions
Environmental Responsibility vs. Hoarding
Personal insights on waste and possessions
Uncertainty, Ambiguity, and Impermanence in Hoarding
Tolerance of uncertainty and ambiguity
Embracing impermanence to reduce distress
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and Hoarding
Psychological flexibility and acceptance of constant change
ACT's promotion of resilience
Use of ACT and Compassion Focused Therapy
Radical Acceptance
Steps to practice radical acceptance
Awareness and curiosity toward challenges
Vocalising Thoughts and Journaling
Benefits of speaking thoughts aloud
Buddhist Concepts and Impermanence
Awareness and acceptance in Buddhism
Tara Brach’s qualities of awareness
Personal Reflections on Change and Relationships
Resisting and coming to terms with change
"Permission Slip" Segment
Concept of Control and Suffering in Hoarding
Desire for permanence leading to hoarding behaviour
Justifications for Keeping Items
Avoiding unnecessary consumption
Ethical decision-making when buying
Increasing Awareness and Understanding Personal Motivations
Promoting curiosity through being without something

#169 Compassion-focused therapy for grief and hoarding with Dr Chia-Ying Chou

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In today's episode, I ask Dr Chia-Ying Chou about the complex interplay between grief and hoarding. We'll explore how emotions like grief can trigger hoarding behaviour, the role an inner critic plays, and learn all about compassion-focused therapy – including why it’s so much easier to offer compassion than to receive it. The timing is perfect, coinciding with National Grief Awareness Week in the UK.
Grief and Hoarding Discussion
Chia-Ying Chou discusses the non-direct link between grief and hoarding based on clinical experience.
Factors such as resistance to grieving and avoiding vulnerability exacerbate hoarding.
Grief can trigger hoarding behaviour to maintain a sense of control and avoid confronting loss.
Host shares personal experiences of how grief intensified their hoarding behaviour.
Grief and Possessions
People keep deceased loved ones' belongings as a way to preserve their existence.
Chou mentions the ambiguous preservation of loved ones through items.
Anxiety and resistance to facing grief make organising or discarding possessions difficult.
Complex Emotions in Grief
Host reflects on the unexpected emotions in grief, like anger or impatience.
Therapeutic Strategies for Grief and Hoarding
Chou compares addressing resistance to grief to preparing for a challenging hike.
Emphasis on resourcing, preparing mentally, and gathering support.
Suggestions for a "baby-step" approach to facing fears and emotions.
Inner Critic and Grief
Host discusses journey with their inner critic and finding new approaches to handle it.
Chou highlights how internal criticism is often related to grief and missed opportunities.
Compassion-Focused Therapy (CFT)
Integration of Western psychotherapy and Buddhist philosophy for addressing psychological challenges.
Difficulty in receiving or directing compassion towards oneself.
Connections Between Hoarding, Trauma, and Grief
Patterns of loss, either tangible or intangible, among those who hoard.
Episode ties with National Grief Awareness Week in the UK.
Cultivating Compassionate Companions
Idea of cultivating an imaginary compassionate companion for emotional support.
Emphasis on emotions being a part of persona, not the true self.
Emotions and Grief Management
Pacing yourself.
Chou recommends creating space for emotions to surface naturally.
Encouragement to welcome emotions as a creative process in internal space.
Examine fears and take small steps to engage with feelings.

#168 Hoarding, healing, and the art of kintsugi with Dr Jan Eppingstall of Stuffology

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Podcast show notes, links and transcript: https://www.overcomecompulsivehoarding.co.uk/podcast-ep-168-hoarding-healing-and-the-art-of-kintsugi-with-dr-jan-eppingstall-of-stuffology/  
Today, I'm with Dr Jan Eppingstall, a Melbourne-based counsellor, about the fascinating art of kintsugi and how it connects with hoarding and trauma recovery. We explore how this Japanese tradition of mending broken pottery with gold has lessons for us about the therapeutic journey and the beauty in imperfection. We also discuss how these concepts apply to overcoming perfectionism in hoarding and highlight the empowering process of creating, destroying, and rebuilding.
Introduction to Kintsugi and Dr. Jan Eppingstall
Explanation of kintsugi as a Japanese art form of repairing objects with gold.
Kintsugi and the connection to recovery from trauma.
Kintsugi as a Metaphor for Healing
Importance of acknowledging the process of healing without oversimplification.
Reference to Amy Price's article about kintsugi symbolising care and time.
Discussion of Tomas Navarro's book and the importance of action in healing.
Psychological and Therapeutic Implications
Metaphor in therapy for expressing complex emotions.
Application of kintsugi philosophy in mental health contexts, including trauma recovery.
Relation to Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), acceptance, and resilience.
The real-life application of acceptance and self-compassion.
Creation, Destruction, and Rebuilding
Create, destroy and recreate art as part of personal healing.
Parallel with kintsugi in wabi sabi / finding beauty in imperfection.
Personal Empowerment and Resilience
Empowerment through courage and resilience using scars as a metaphor.
Resonance with Leonard Cohen
Idea of imperfection as a means for transformation.
Contrasts with Modern Consumerism
Kintsugi and wabi sabi's focus on the beauty of imperfection and impermanence.
Reference to Beth Kempton's book on creating serene, beautiful spaces.
Addressing Perfectionism and Hoarding
Application of kintsugi principles to address perfectionism in hoarding.
Exploration of creating, destroying, and rebuilding as a therapeutic exercise.
"Wreck This Journal" to overcome artistic perfectionism.